


The Fall Show

by dmwrites



Category: Original Work
Genre: F/F, Gen, Science Fiction, first-person narration
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-24
Updated: 2017-06-24
Packaged: 2018-11-18 12:06:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11290392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dmwrites/pseuds/dmwrites
Summary: Maybe that’s what friendship looked like when the world burned down and took the old you with it.





	The Fall Show

**Author's Note:**

> I watched fireworks for like half an hour earlier this month and then this sort of just happened? :D
> 
> Huge thank you to Elly and Ana for looking this over for me! 
> 
> Note: this story is rated Mature for sensitive subjects, not sexual content. Take a look at the end notes for warnings that contain spoilers if you're worried about reading something that might affect you in a negative way.

It was about a year after things had settled when I first found Lena.

We had just moved to Phoenix, Dia and Clement and I. I’d found them three months after things on T-III had gone to shit. Well. They found me, I guess. I’m not entirely sure how I even survived long enough to meet them. I was older than both of them, but they always joked about adopting me.

I’d have been lucky to have parents like them, considering the ones I’d been born to. I drafted adoption papers for them to sign once, as a joke. Clement never asked me what I’d used the pages from his notebook for. I’d torn them up later, embarrassed. I didn’t think they would get that I was joking. I didn’t want them to pity me.

Lena never pitied me. Not when I was sad. Not when I felt useless.

Definitely not when I tried to sneak up to her that first time and pebbles rolled under my shoe, making me fall flat on my ass.

She startled and turned around. Her eyes found me and she spent a long moment looking at me. Then she laughed. _A lot._ She laughed for so long and so freely I thought she’d never stop. I hadn’t heard anyone so happy in so long I wasn’t sure I _wanted_ her to stop.

“What.” She gasped. “The fuck.” She came up to me and reached out a hand. I took it, unthinking. “What were you trying to do, exactly?”

“Rob you, I guess.” _Why the fuck would I say that?_

She snorted. “Better luck next time.” She watched me pat the dirt off of my pants with her arms crossed. “You got family?”

I hesitated before I gave her a nod. “Husband and wife.”

“Yours?” she asked.

“No,” I said. “But we look after each other.” She nodded. “You alone?”

“Yes,” she said. Just that. So simple.

 _How,_ I wanted to ask her. How could anyone ever choose to be alone, the way things are now?

I said nothing for a while. I wondered if she’d let me go, after what I’d tried to do to her. She had a blade tucked into her waistband.

She noticed me looking. “I don’t have anything for you to steal,” she said. “Sorry.” Was she being funny or was she really apologizing?

“Do you want to come with me?” I asked. Don’t ask me why.

“No, I’m fine on my own.” _How?_ “I’ll be around, though. If you wanna meet up again.”

“No offence, but why would you want that? I just tried to rob you.”

She shrugged. “No offence, but I don’t exactly feel threatened by you.”

Even as I straightened my back she still had a few inches on me. She laughed at the attempt.

“See you,” she said and turned around.

“Hey,” I said before she could walk away. “What’s your name?”

“Lena,” she replied, turning to me halfway. She tucked her hair behind her ear. The gesture made me want to smile. “And yours?”

“Mara.”

“Mara,” she echoed. “Good to meet you, Mara.”

“You too, I guess.” Guessing was sort of a hobby of mine around that time. “See you.”

She smiled at me and walked away.

I didn’t tell Dia and Clement about her. I didn’t tell them that I’d even tried to rob someone. They wouldn’t approve. Not now, when things were finally looking up. _I’d rather starve to death,_ Clement would have said. I was sure he would have.

I definitely didn’t tell them that I was somehow worried for someone that I’d just met. Worried that she was out there alone. Worried that she’d get jumped by someone who was an actual threat.

Worried that I’d never see her again.

“What has our girl been up to today?” Dia asked when I got home.

“Just a walk around town,” I said, smiling at her. “There’s more and more people every day. Families.”

“You hear that, Clement?” she said, turning to him with a hopeful smile. She had this way of saying his name. _Clement._ It sounded like an oath, every time. Like they were professing their love for one another with every exchange they had. It was exhausting to witness, and I could only imagine what it was like to actually _feel_ it. It didn’t seem to burden them, but I didn’t think it would be something I could bear. I just wasn’t made for it, I guess.

Clement nodded with a bright smile. I didn’t think they’d want to go out again anytime soon. We’d spent far too long running. Looking for a home we could retreat to. They had a lot of staying in to catch up on. So did I, but they didn’t need to know I felt that way. What we needed was food. So I went out.

“I think I’ll be able to find a job,” I said. “People know me now. There should be someone that trusts me enough.” Dia smiled, but I could see the guilt in her eyes. “Don’t,” I said. “You kept me safe out there.” _That’s why I’m so useless._ “I wanna take care of you now. You and the baby.”

She swallowed and raised her hand to cup my cheek, the other going to her belly. I wondered if she wanted to give me as much of her attention as she could before the baby came along.

“Maybe you’ll finally find some friends,” Clement suggested. I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. He wasn’t trying to be unkind.

I grasped Dia’s hand as gently as I could and pulled it away before I went up to Clement. I glanced at his notebook. “Can I see?”

He smiled and turned it over so I could look at the drawing. It was always so strange to see the sharp lines he used. His moons looked more like those saw blades you’d see in old Study Screens, the branches of his trees were weaved together until there was almost no space between them, the waves of his seas rose up to the sky like flames. When I looked at them and then at him, I wondered if he was as rough inside as he was on paper, or if it was just a choice he made whenever he picked up a pencil.

I could never ask.                                        

“Beautiful,” I said. “I really like The Twins.”

He shook his head with a small smile. “Those are not The Twins.”

“No?” I looked at the moons again. They didn’t look too different from ours. “Someone else’s world?”

He nodded. “One we could have gone to, maybe.”

I frowned. “Do you wish you’d gone somewhere else?”

“Sometimes,” he said. “Other times, not so much.”

“Did you ever have the chance to leave?”

He glanced at Dia.

“We did,” she said, walking up to us. “We were offered space on one of the last shuttles. We declined just before it left.”

“Why would you decline?” I asked. “You could have been safe months ago!”

They exchanged a look before Dia spoke again. “We couldn’t leave you.”

Cold filled my chest and I took a step back. “You stayed because of me?”

“No,” Clement protested. “It was not like that.”

“What was it like, then?” I spat out. I regretted it when he flinched, but I wouldn’t take my words back.

“Why are you so angry, Mara?” Dia asked, voice quiet.

They could  left. They could have been happy. And yet they’d ended up stuck here, because of me.

“Don’t,” I said when Dia came closer, but she grasped my shoulders firmly.

“Look at me, Mara,” she said. She squeezed me a little when I didn’t obey and I turned my eyes to her. “We wouldn’t stay here if it wasn’t the right thing for us to do, okay?”

“Okay,” I mumbled.

“You were only one part of the decision. We wanted to stay here and help our world get better. You didn’t hold us back. Do you understand?”

“I understand.” I grit my teeth. “Let me go, please.”

She did. I shuddered as if it would make the ghost of her touch fall from my shoulders.

“Where are you going?” she asked when I headed for the door.

“Out.”

“Mara—”

“I need a smoke,” I said. “I don’t care that you don’t like it, but I’m not gonna stink up the house, alright?”

She didn’t say anything. So I went out.

Having to make sure all the locks were secure every time I went through the door was somewhat of an ordeal, but at least it calmed me down a little. By the time I crossed the yard and went through the gate I was almost ready to go back. Almost.

I leaned on the fence and closed my eyes, taking deep breaths. I hated feeling angry. I hated feeling _anything_. I was either hungry or cold or scared or tired. I didn’t want any of it anymore.

Maybe if things were really looking up, if everything was coming back to normal, they could give me something for it. I’d heard stories of people who felt too much or too little and got help for it. Maybe they’d give me a serum for it. Maybe they could strip away my skin and wrap me up in plastic. Would I be able to give hugs without wanting to scratch the feeling away if I had no skin left for it to linger on?

“Did you forget something out here?”

I nearly screamed when I heard her voice. I hadn’t even noticed her in the dark. “What the _fuck_ are you doing here?”

Lena just shrugged. “I was curious to see where you lived.”

“So you just followed me?”

“Yep.”

I shook my head in disbelief, hand going to my chest. “You’re a fucking creep.” My heart was still racing.

She laughed. “You’re one to talk.” She walked up to me. “Why are you so angry?” She glanced at the only lit window of the building. “Had a fight with your friends?”

“None of your business.”

She shrugged again. “Fair enough. I was just curious. You only got here, why are you out again?”

I sighed. “I told them I wanted to smoke.”

“Smoking isn’t good for you, you know,” she said, lighting her pipe. I snorted and shook my head when she offered it to me. She looked confused, but she didn’t say anything.

We were silent for a moment.

“Do you want me to go?” she asked.

For some reason, I didn’t.

“I’d appreciate it if you left me alone, yes,” I said. I hated the way my voice wavered. I was never a good liar.

“Okay,” she said. “I wouldn’t have stayed if I knew you’d be coming out,” she said, as if it was meant to reassure me.

“Okay,” I said. I’d seen stranger things happen, I guess. “Are you planning on breaking in?”

She looked surprised I even asked. “No,” she said in a way that made me wanna apologize for accusing her.

“It’s just that,” I started, then cleared my throat. “You don’t just follow and spy on someone you don’t wanna do dirty, you know?”

“I guess you don’t,” she said. “But you’re just interesting.”

I huffed. “Sure I am.”

She gave me a long look. “Let’s meet up tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay,” I said. “The tower, after rations?”

“After rations,” she echoed. She looked at me for a moment longer before she turned around and left.

I stayed out for a while longer, trying to remember what it felt like to go alone at night without fear.

 

Looking at the town that was trying so hard to return to what it once was, I wondered if the people who first named it somehow knew what would come to pass. The better part of Phoenix was left in ruin due to the fires people had set to their homes, desperate to keep the disease from spreading. I wondered how many people burned along with the houses, if those who left them there would ever live a normal life.

“Do you think they’ll ever send another evac unit?” I asked, leaning my forehead on the railing.

Lena sat next to me and let her feet dangle over the edge. The view from the tower’s rooftop was the best, but not many people wanted to look at the landscape for longer than they had to, so we were alone.

She frowned in thought, then shook her head. “Not really. They sent the Settlers here to help us reestablish things, not to prepare us to leave. Unless something else happens, I think they’ll just support us until we’re back on our feet. They’re busy enough with the war, they don’t wanna bother with us more than they have to.”

“That makes sense, I guess,” I mumbled, and she turned to me.

“Why didn’t you leave when they first came?” she asked me.

I chuckled. “I was barely alive. It wasn’t even the disease, I was just… I was starving. Tired. Hopeless.” I swallowed. “My friends, they…” I shook my head. “I didn’t even know, but part of why they stayed behind was because they wanted to help me.” _A fucking week after they’d met me._

“They seem like good people,” she said.

I nodded. “They really are.” After a moment I asked, “Why didn’t you go?”

She shrugged and looked away. “Other people needed to leave more than I did.” _That doesn’t mean you didn’t need it,_ I thought, but I didn’t say anything.

I got the feeling she wouldn’t exactly mind dying. It made me sadder than it should have.

We sat there and watched Phoenix slowly rise from the ashes.

 

Lena lived in the Settlers’ building. I gave her a look when she first told me, and she laughed.

“I don’t know what you’re thinking,” she said, “but you’re wrong.”

I smiled. “Am I?”

“Yeah.” She puffed out a bit of smoke before she continued. “I helped them clear most of the houses when they first came, so they offered me a room.”

I wasn’t smiling anymore. The people that had burned—she’d probably seen them. What remained of them, anyway.

“You’re staring,” she said.

“Sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. You just.” She sighed. “Sometimes you just look like you wanna ask me things, but you don’t. Don’t feel like you have to speak more if you don’t want to—I like the way we are now. I just wanted you to know that it’s okay. If you wanna ask.”

“Okay,” I said. “Did you grow up in Phoenix?” I asked. I didn’t necessarily wanna know, but I felt like I owed her a question then.

“Yeah,” she said, and that one word contained more sadness than anything else she’d ever said so far.

Hesitant, I put a light hand on her shoulder. She didn’t say anything. She didn’t even look at me. She just ducked her head and let her cheek brush against my knuckles for a moment before she raised her chin again. The touch was brief enough to be pleasant.

I don’t even know how we got as close as we did. We didn’t know each other, not really. There wasn’t much of me to know, and she didn’t volunteer a lot of information after that. Maybe that’s why I liked being around her. Maybe you couldn’t really get tired of someone you’d never know fully.

Maybe that’s what friendship looked like when the world burned down and took the old you with it.

“I always loved the sky,” she said. I looked at her, then up. My hand fell away from her shoulder.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah. And now it’s the only thing around here that hasn’t really changed.”

“I guess,” I said.

She smiled at me. I smiled back.

 

Slowly but surely, things started to feel almost normal.

We were still a long way from production stable enough to get us off the rations, but the Settlers assured us they would keep providing for everyone, even as word about our situation spread and more people flocked to Phoenix from the rest of T-III. I worked wherever I was needed, and it was enough to let Dia and Clement stay at home for a while. In the end the Settlers demanded that they put in some work, as well, and so they ventured into town, wary but hopeful.

I didn’t want them to meet Lena. I had no idea why. Everyone in town knew her, it wasn’t like she was a secret I could keep. Still, I hadn’t even mentioned her to them.

We were sitting outside of the Settlers’ building, taking a break from work. We watched the few children play and run around. Lena had told me that she used to run every day, before. That she wanted to start again but there was never enough time.

I saw Dia head our way and got up. My stomach remained somewhere closer to the ground.

“What is it?” Lena asked and got up as well. She followed my gaze and spotted Dia. The expression on her face was odd. Did I look nervous enough for her to think that Dia might be a threat?

“Hey,” Dia greeted with a smile, coming closer to touch my cheek lightly.

“Hi,” I said, voice wavering. “You working with Sam today?”

“Yep.”

“Me, too,” I said. “I’m helping him clean up a bit.”

She nodded, but her gaze had moved to the right of me. “Is this your friend?” she asked, as if she knew everything about Lena. I don’t know what would have been more embarrassing: me keeping quiet about her, or talking about her non-stop.

“Yes. Lena,” I said and stepped away, gesturing between the two of them. “This is Dia, we live together.”

“Oh,” Lena said, and her face cleared of worry. “It’s good to meet you, Dia.”

“You too, Lena,” she said. She eyed Lena’s pipe. “Did you teach her to smoke?” she asked me, tone very subtly accusing.

I bit my lip, trying not to smile. I still hadn’t told her I’d lied that night. “No. She already knew plenty when I came around.”

Dia raised an eyebrow. “Is that true?” she asked Lena.

“Yes, ma’am,” Lena said, and I couldn’t keep myself from smiling at that. I realized I wanted them to spend more time together. I wanted to be around them more, see how people who actually had things to say would go about getting to know each other. “She hasn’t really smoked in a while, been trying to get me to quit, too.”

Dia looked at me with pride. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was unfounded.

“I’ll see you tonight?” I said, and Dia gave me a meaningful look.

“Yes,” she said. “Tonight.” She walked away and we sat back down.

We were silent for a while afterwards. When I turned to Lena, she was smiling at me.

“What?” I asked.

“I’m glad that we’re friends,” she said.

I looked away. “I’m glad, too,” I said. “I should go back.” I got up.

“Sure.”

“I’ll see you later?”

“Sure.”

I looked at her. “I really am glad,” I tried to convince her.

“No, I know,” she assured me. “I believe you.”

“Yeah?”

She smiled at me. For a moment, I wondered what it would feel like to kiss her. To kiss anyone.

I walked away.

 

“I’ve been hearing whispers,” Lena said one day. My stomach dropped at her words, as if it knew what she would say next before I even heard it.         

Things weren’t going as planned, the Settlers said. Part of the fleet had sought refuge on T-IV, inadvertently bringing action to the surface. They were evacuating civilians there and we’d be next. It wasn’t certain there would be an attack on us, but we were close enough to make it possible, and that possibility was enough to make the decision.

“We need to go this time,” Lena said. I knew she was right.

I also knew it wasn’t likely we would end up on the same planet after.

I couldn’t say anything. She took my hand and I squeezed back as we watched Phoenix.

“Sam found fireworks in the Settlers’ basement,” she said after a while. “Leftover from before. For the Fall show. I was looking forward to it.”

“Maybe the first snow will fall before we have to go,” I said.

“Maybe.”

Maybe.

 

We heard nothing for a while, and then everything happened all at once. Lena didn’t seem surprised, but I couldn’t even comprehend what was happening at first.

We were gathered at the tower, and Sam wore a grim expression as he explained to everyone what Lena had already told me. What she hadn’t overheard was the fact that there wouldn’t be enough shuttles to evacuate everyone straight away. Some would have to remain on T-III for another month.

It didn’t seem like such a long time to me, but the others didn’t agree.

Yelling. Pushing. Grabbing.

Lena dragged me away from the crowd. She put her hands on my shoulders and spoke to me quickly.

My gaze was still on the others. Scrambling. Fighting.

A loud crack pierced the air. One of the Settlers dropped down next to Sam and didn’t move again.

Everything was quiet for a moment, then the shouting started again, twice as desperate.

Lena shook me by the shoulders. “Mara!”

I blinked up at her. “What?”

“Go to Dia and Clement and let them know what’s going on. Pack up. I’ll talk to Sam about getting you seats. When you see the shuttles come in, come meet me on the roof, I’ll let you know what’s going on and we’ll get you on there.”

“And you?” I asked.

“I’ll be fine.”

“Lena—”

“Just _go,_ Mara,” she said gave me a push.

I glanced at her over my shoulder, then took of running.

I banged on the door as I got home and I heard someone work on the locks from the inside along with me. I pushed the door open and was met with Clement’s surprised face.

“Mara? What—”

“There’s no time to explain,” I told him, breathless. “We need to go. There’s been an attack on T-IV so they’re evacuating us, too. They’ll be here soon.”

“T-IV? That’s not even close enough to—”

“I know, Clement,” I snapped. “But everyone is going and if we don’t go with them we’ll be left behind.”

He nodded and I made to go to my room, but he put his hands on my arms. He just looked at me, and I realized that I was shaking. My vision was blurring.

Dia walked in from the living room and got closer to me.

“Did you hear what I said?” I whispered, and she nodded. Clement let me go and she took me into her arms. I closed my eyes and saw the Settler falling to the floor again.

“What happened?” she asked, and I was sobbing before I could stop myself.

“I didn’t even realize,” I hiccupped and she shushed me, carding her fingers through my hair.

“Didn’t realize what?”

“How scared everyone was still.” I pulled away from her and wiped the tears away with my sleeve. “It’s bad,” I said, and she nodded.

“There must be something else,” Dia said, voice careful. “Why is it bad?”

I could have tried to lie.

“There isn’t enough space for everyone.” She and Clement exchanged a look but I continued before they could say anything. “You can’t stay here,” I insisted.

She took a deep breath. “You’re coming with us?”

“Yes,” I said, and she nodded. I started for my room again.

“Mara,” she said, and I looked at her again. “Lena?”

I wasn’t sure what she was asking.

“She’s fine,” I said.

I hoped.

 

She showed up at our door before I could go out.

“Don’t go into town,” she said. “We’ll go tomorrow. Sam said there will be enough space in the Settlers’ shuttle for us.”

“Us?” I asked, and felt relief fill me when she nodded. “But why are the Settlers leaving? Is everyone else gone?”

“More or less,” she said. “They managed to dispatch a few more shuttles in the last minute. They’ll leave us somewhere close because the Settlers will have to be the first to come back when things… Settle.”

I smiled. “Okay,” I said. I was aware of Dia and Clement standing behind me. “Do you wanna stay here tonight?” I asked.

She hesitated. “No,” she said. “I’ll see you tomorrow. Be careful, okay?”

“Yeah. See you.”

I watched her walk away.

She was coming with us. We’d be fine.

 

I stood on the rooftop, looking over Phoenix one last time.

I couldn’t wait to leave it behind.

We weren’t meant to meet until later, but I saw Lena walk towards the tower. I was about to call out to her, but then I realized I wasn’t the only one who had noticed her.

I hadn’t really pictured her fighting before. Didn’t think I’d ever see it. She tried to get away, then struggled to get out of their grasp when the small group surrounded her. She got her blade out, grazed one of the men’s side before another bent her arm back and she dropped it, screaming in pain. They yelled but I couldn’t make the words out. They were moving so fast.

A million scenarios went through my head in a second, images of me getting their attention long enough for her to run away, of me running back inside the building and down the stairs and into the street and right into them, crashing their heads open for daring to touch her. Images of me saving her.

But then the second was up.

A single blaster shot. That’s all it took. She folded into herself and the guy holding her dropped her, shouting at the one who had shot her. It was the one she’d stabbed. He was on the ground, too, chest heaving with his breathing. He was dying, too. The only thing he had left to do was take her with him.

They took her blade and picked her pockets, gave her body a few kicks when they found nothing inside. They stripped the pants off their guy. They took his blaster and left him cursing at them.

I rushed back inside, dizzy, tripping over the stairs. The earth quaked as I stumbled out of the building, walked towards her body. Blood poured out of her and gathered underneath. It looked like she was cradling the pool, trying to stop it from leaking too far. It didn’t listen. I watched a thin stream make its way away from her and towards the guy that had shot her. He was already dead. I walked to him and looked into his empty eyes. His hand was curled into a fist. The hand that shot her.

I wondered what it would feel like to step on his hand. To feel the bones crack under my foot.

I did it.

I walked back to her and crouched beside her. I brushed the hair away from her eyes. The emptiness in them was striking. I pushed her body until she was flat on her back. It made me sick how easy her head went when I held her chin and tilted her head so she would be facing up.

“So you can see the sky,” I whispered. I opened my mouth to say more but my throat was too tight. My vision blurred. I covered my mouth with a hand as I sobbed, even though it was pointless. The guys were way too far to hear, and Lena was far too dead to laugh at me.

I hated that. I hated that she’d never get to laugh at me or anything else again. She’d never get to smoke again. To run.

I’d never get to kiss her.

Something in the air around me moved. I looked up to see snowflakes floating, falling quietly to the ground.

I sobbed.

“Hey, kid,” a voice said, and I jumped for a moment. It was Sam. “I heard the shot.” I didn’t say anything. “Let’s move her away from the street.”

I nodded and got her legs. Sam grunted as he lifted her, grasping her under her arms. We carried her through the Settlers’ building and into the yard behind it, leaving a trail of blood behind.

“She loved the flowers,” he said as we lay her among them. I nodded. I hadn’t known. Of course I hadn’t.

The snow was still floating around us.

“She wanted to see the Show,” I said, voice choked up. I couldn’t stop crying.

He was silent for a while.

“I’ll set off the fireworks tonight. When you see them, you and your friends come along, with all your stuff, alright?”

“Okay,” I said. “What about the guys that—”

“They chose to stay,” Sam said. “Fuck if I know why, but they don’t wanna go. They’ll go to one of the villages and rot there.”

I nodded. “You’ll take care of her?”

“Yeah,” he said. “Of course.”

I headed home.

I almost wanted to run into the men. I don’t know what I would have done. If I would have done anything at all.

I didn’t meet another soul.

I only noticed that my hands were bloody when I raised them to work on the locks. I looked down on my shirt and saw that it was also stained. I wiped my palms on it and went in.

Dia looked horrified when she laid eyes me.

“It’s not mine,” I said. I thought that I was done crying, but I was tearing up again. “Lena,” I said, voice breaking over the name.

“Oh, Mara,” Dia said, rushing to me and squeezing me in her arms. I held her, as gentle as I could. “I’m so sorry. I know you loved her.”

I wanted to laugh. _How the hell could you know that?_

“I didn’t even know her,” I said. _And yet…_ “I wanna be alone for a bit,” I said and pulled away. “It’s snowing. Sam is gonna set off the fireworks and when the Show is done we’ll go.” Dia looked at me. “I’m… I’ll be fine,” I said. She let me go.

I spent the rest of the day in bed.

 

We got out in the yard when it got dark enough. It had been so long since I’d seen a Show it didn’t feel entirely real.

Boom. Boom. Boom. One after the other, fireworks burst and filled the sky, tiny stars born and burning and dead in the span of seconds. Some of them drew few but long rays of light, then disappeared for a moment, only to have hundreds more flickers appear in the place where the first ones had vanished.

I wondered if that was what Lena felt like when she died. The shock of pain. Then nothing. Then everything, at once, until she flickered out.

I wondered if the sky felt glad to have her.

“Remember when we first watched the Show together?” Clement asked.

“Mm,” Dia said. “Three years ago.”

“Yes.” There was a smile in his voice. “That’s when I fell in love with you.”

She laughed a little, embarrassed. “What?”

“Yeah. Every single burst made you gasp and laugh out loud.”

“Yeah. It made everyone else laugh.”

“It made my heart feel full.”

Clement didn’t care that I was there. He wasn’t embarrassed to say any of this in front of me. He could just bare his heart in front of anyone. For anyone. He could love Dia to her face. Out loud.

“We should go,” I murmured about a minute after the final burst. Dia gave me a sad little smile when I headed for the door, briefly touched my arm. I nearly stopped so that her fingers wouldn’t slip from my skin when I walked away, as if that would have helped me any. As if her gentle touch could ever soothe me. As if I would be deserving of it.

“Are you alright?” she asked.

Of course I wasn’t. “Yeah,” I said.

I looked up into the sky again. I felt a sudden rush of longing for more of the fireworks. More of the light. More of everything.

I looked back at Dia and managed a smile.

“I think we’ll be fine.”

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilery warnings: violence, character death, dealing with death/trauma
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